I made up my mind to not visit shukri during this festive raya season. Although afterall what he had done to me..I still miss him. I hvnt visit him for 2mths. Not visiting this raya would send a message to him and his family. My family hate him right now. Forgiving and accepting him back is not easy for me and the rest.

I still feel I need to withstand the marriage. But I foresee difficulties and I didnt know if I am capable of facing it again shall it happen again.

I also fear of living alone. And I foresee myself in sadness shall i decide to part with him.


Im quite tired recently. Literally and not literally.

I am too tired to dwell on my endless emotion.

I feel ok at times..but I cant help feeling lonely.

I pray Allah makes it easier for me. Ya Allah. .pls show me what is the best for me. What should I do.


I miss zara. Very much. My baby. Mommy love u very much. U r a strong girl like mommy. Someday we will see each other.

The only thing that has not been settle is the bank letter. In which I no longer have the guts to ask a favor from him. Myb better to wait til end of this month.

Life bubble

Past few days i was happy in my temporary self made happy  bubble. Til my in laws came to visit shukri and stayed with me.

This rage is making me hating everyone.

I seek guidance and forgiveness from Allah the almighty.

Rasydan is doing me a favor by listening to all my rants. How and why he did only he and Allah knows. For sure he pity for me. And he has done way more than his duty. Bless him. He has shown an act of kindness twds me and I am grateful. Thank u Allah for sending good ppl to help me.


Finally I managed to visit hubby. He cried a lot. So did I. For the first time he asked for my forgiveness.. I told him I hv forgiven him. All he needs to do now is to ask forgiveness from Allah.

I did the right thing. Putting him in prison. So he would sober. And I could save him. By Allah’s will.

Ya Allah, pls guide me. What shall i do.


Not only I lost my baby now I have lost my hubby.

My husband has lied to me at almost everything and he even plan to leave me. Twice. And he even wanted to clear all the saving I have left.

Is there anyone more pity than me?